Last Updated on 4 months ago by Charbel Coorey

If England’s performance at the Gabba wasn’t bad enough, Brendon McCullum and Marcus Trescothick further lifted Australian spirits.

England’s coaches were almost as bad on the microphone as the team was on the field. From Trescothick’s statement that the group had “no discussions” about driving on the up to McCullum’s “overprepared” gaff, England’s leadership is steering the team in the wrong direction as Ben Stokes questioned the character of his players.

England wilting in the field screams of a team underdone

England fans are rightly furious with the Brendon McCullum interviews post the Gabba Test. They witnessed their team wilt after spending a day in the field as they dished up what Stuart Broad termed the worst bowling display by an English side since 2008.

The visitors are underdone and not conditioned for success in Australian conditions. England aren’t “overprepared”; they don’t have the miles in the legs in addition to their brainless batting approach. They looked utterly exhausted by the final session day two, contributing to a host of missed chances. That is no recipe for victory in a country where the successful teams – including England (2010/11), South Africa and India have outlasted Australia.

Archer’s speeds have dropped significantly when asked to come back spell after spell. Brydon Carse has proved a disappointment so far, with his ability to hit hard lengths considered one of England’s biggest hopes heading into the series. Two Tests in and he’s rarely bowled in the batter’s half.

As a unit, England’s attack lacks the patience to build any meaningful pressure. The general discourse on social media was the Gabba pitch was as flat as a pancake as Australia drove past 500. That view is a smokescreen for a wildly inconsistent English bowling display before Michael Neser showed the template. Many of us have seen Aussie roads, and this didn’t share the same characteristics with uneven bounce and seam movement available as early as day two.

Brendon McCullum’s interviews post-Gabba were telling: England are in a mess

“I actually felt like we overprepared to be honest,” was McCullum’s immediate reaction on Channel 7. “We had five intense training days, and I think sometimes when you’re in the heat of the battle the most important thing is to feel a little bit fresh.”

While his “overprepared” statement made the headlines, it was his next few sentences that were quite telling.

“I think the boys just need a few days off and probably need to change up a few of the training methods a little bit,” McCullum continued. “I’m a horse racing man and you wouldn’t just keep doing the same thing with your horse – you’d send it around in figure eights or over the little jumps, just to switch it up a bit. So, we’ll look at some alternative methods over the next few days.”

Under Rob Key, McCullum and Stokes, England have been very clear to everyone – including the “has-beens” – that their approach is the way to win in Australia. They’ve regularly brushed aside any meaningful and constructive advice from England legends.

“England are irresponsible, rubbish and too far up their backsides to care,” wrote Sir Geoffrey Boycott in his post-Gabba column for The Telegraph. “England talk the talk but can’t walk the walk. With this sort of batting and bowling they couldn’t win an egg cup, let alone the Ashes urn.

“Ben Stokes said England had a blueprint. They had been planning this tour for four years and know what they are doing. What a load of bulls—. We can’t believe anything Ben or his team say. None of them want to listen to anyone outside of their own camp.”

McCullum’s post-match interview confirmed Boycott’s views. England abandoning their previous training methods after six days of cricket suggests they didn’t know it all and should have considered advice from players who have been there and done it. The decision to skip the pink-ball tour match, despite being against moderate opposition, doesn’t look like the greatest of calls after the visitors looked well short on match time and sharpness.

Will England abandon “Bazball” which has now been exposed?

On day four at the Gabba, Stokes and Will Jacks displayed the grit and discipline England didn’t care to produce in the previous five days of their wretched series. However, like Jofra Archer saving his fastest and most aggressive bowling for when it didn’t matter, the horse had bolted.

Now the key question is: Will England abandon their reckless batting approach? Do Zak Crawley, Ollie Pope and Harry Brook have the discipline to give the bowlers an hour or two and then cash in later? On the evidence of their Test careers, which spans a combined 156 matches, the answer is no.

Ben Stokes’ team must now pull off a feat achieved only once in Ashes history to regain the urn – winning a series from 0-2 down. In 1936/37, Sir Donald Bradman scored a remarkable 690 runs at 138 in the final three Tests to inspire the greatest-ever series comeback.

To ask for such a level of performance from any player in world cricket is unfair. However, England will do well to avoid a 5-0 whitewash with Pat Cummins and Nathan Lyon to return. Plus, they clearly lack the grit, patience and fitness required to win in Australia. A number of their players are at the crease for a good time, not a long time.

Remember, it was only in Perth that McCullum told the world they are “married” to their style of cricket and to “keep the faith.”

Well, time is running out. And fast.